I wasn’t sure how I wanted to start my blog about becoming a mom and a single mom nonetheless. I originally wrote a post that analytically went play by play about how I came to the conclusion that I was going to have a child on my own. That piece was edited, and I was given constructive criticism that I didn’t want to hear at the time, but it was right, I needed to be relatable in my blog. So here it goes… there is something undeniable inside me that screams, “I want to be a mom!”
I’ve always known that I wanted children. I’ve imagined my child growing inside me and the love and joy he/she would bring into my life. Love that is unconditional and instantaneous the moment I knew he/she exists. I yearn for this in my heart even though I know raising children isn’t easy and especially, as a single mom. However daunting it is to be a single mom, I can’t deny how I feel about becoming a mom.
Some friends and family have encouraged me to wait because I could meet my husband. I haven’t given up on falling in love, getting married, and having children with my husband, but I am aware that I am not getting any younger and the more I learn about pregnancy and fertility, I know that I am doing the right thing for myself. For example, once a woman is 35, 50% of a her eggs are abnormal. I know that doesn’t necessarily mean that 50% of my eggs will be abnormal when I turn 35, but the fact that I know I want to be a mom, means that I need to start trying now. I am completely aware that I shouldn’t let statistics scare me but as I said to my friends earlier this year, “I don’t want to wait two years and then start trying just to find out I can’t. I would just hate myself and regret not doing it now.”
What I realized is that there’s never a right time to have kids or to make the decision to have a child through artificial insemination. I was so fixated on making more money for the longest time so I could provide for my children and give them more than what my parents could for me. I made a lot of excuses not to pull the trigger. Right now, I am unemployed and trying to figure out what I want to do with my career, and I am not in a relationship. Even though there is so much uncertainty, I still want to go through with getting pregnant. When it comes down to it, all that doesn’t matter anymore. I made this decision even with all the uncertainties in my life: I am going to get pregnant using a sperm donor.