Getting Over the Hump and Leaving a Relationship

I believe there is a pivotal moment in every relationship that is doomed where your sig other finally says the one thing that makes everything clearer, and gives you the strength to take those steps to finally leave him/her. 

For me, it happened after my ex told me he wanted to stop having sex because he thought it would be awkward having to tell me he wanted to date someone, and we had to stop. It was eye opening. He could have saved the two of us a lot of time if he had let me know he didn’t see a future with me. We had broken up after two and half year and he strung me along for another two and half years without ever intending on getting back together. From that moment I began to see our relationship for what it was. 

Obviously I’m not perfect. No one is. I did attempt to stop seeing and contacting him after that conversation but it lasted about a month, if even. This time when he contacted me, I tried a different approach and told him I only wanted to be friends hoping the outcome would be different than the previous times. But something in me felt off. It was different somehow. I had changed and even he noticed.

I still remember the night I decided to walk away from my ex for good. He was upset because he had wanted to have sex since we started hanging out again, even going as far as proposing we have one last night of sex. I was weak. I felt myself wavering because still loved him, but he interpreted my struggles as me teasing him. I caved in and told him to come over to my place with the intent on having sex with him. But he never showed up. I texted him asking if he was coming and he responded saying, “Now you know how it feels (to tease someone).”

That night I sobbed in the bathroom and prayed. I asked God to protect me and remove my ex from my life until he wouldn’t hurt me again. Well, I didn’t hear from my ex besides a “Hey” text I disregarded. I remember climbing into bed with heavy thoughts on my mind. I wanted it to be over but I didn’t trust myself. How could I? I told myself and others I was serious about it being over so many times before. What made this time different than all the other times?

I did something I don’t ever do, that night. I made a list. I made a list of all the things I wanted in relationship. I wanted honesty because my ex was always lying to me. I wanted trust because along with all those lies my ex cheated on me. I wanted to feel important because I was never a priority to my ex. He even once referred to me as trash he could toss to the side when he made other plans knowing we already had plans. I wanted someone who reciprocated how I feel because my ex told me he loved me and took it back. 

This night changed my life forever. For so long, I wanted one man more than anything. I spent years obsessing about getting back together and everything being the exact same way as when we fell in love. 

There I was with a list of things I knew I wouldn’t ever have with my ex. If I stuck it out I might have gotten him in the end but I wouldn’t have been happy. I had to choose between everything I wanted and him. What gave me strength to leave this long drawn relationship was choosing myself. And since that day I never stopped because I trusted that, if continued choosing myself, one day I would find someone who could give me all the things on that list. 

Now I’m not saying that everyone reading this needs write an actual physical list. What I’m challenging everyone to do is to really think about what you want in a relationship. Also, if you are unhappy with someone, weigh the risk of losing one person for your happiness against the risk of losing your happiness for one person. 

On the contrary, if you have found the one person that makes you happier than anything, my advice is to never let go.